What is going on guys? everything/everyone seems so distraught lately. all sorts of people around me. myself at times. more and more I see people just struggle day by day. who knows. I try my best to believe in the new day and put yesterdays troubles behind me for the greater good.

to all in deep frustrations, just take a deep breath and remember that this is only a moment in life and not your life itself. it helps me, so that's what I have to give as advice.

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I've been busy busy busy. walgreens keeps eating up my time. and no matter how much of that green I generate, all of it is gone to bills and all sorts of debt. frustrating, but hopefully one day I will be back to a good balance. ever since they changed me to night shifts, my scheduling has been rough, I tend to stay up. but after work, most of it is spent fucking around not really making much of anything, and then I get up too late to do much before I have to be at work again. I've got a list of projects that need to get done, and hopefully I can eventually start using my time better.

I am still an artist and you best believe I at least  get a daily doodle in. though most of it is at work, so I end up throwing it away. but maybe I should keep em. we'll see.

not much else to update. just to let you guys know I'm still alive just trying to keep myself above ground.

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also to my fellow fake-humans, check this collective out. Cadaver Esquisito beautiful work.

peace brah's and brah'ettes

and it's caught up.

Being out of school is hard. I feel that no matter how hard I'm trying to keep myself grounded, I find myself in quicksand. sometimes I can't keep my chin up. sometimes I just let myself drown in the pools of self-pitty and self-doubt. I try to keep myself going, but knowing that for the most part of my teenage and young adult life was spent doing art because that's where my thoughts swam, and finding myself now trying to be the best at fuckin' walgreen's. where have I gone, or where am I going? Projects have kept me going, but with my fluctuating self-motivation, the lack school has left me dancing on top of fire.

yeah yeah, I shouldn't be a little bitch about it, but I can honestly say that I am not professionally mature to keep myself going in a way that best works with my schedule. Maybe I am, maybe I am just now feeling sorry for myself.

I don't want to be " that guy" that once had a direction. I want to make best of my situation, sometimes I just can't. that's all. because money will be money, and I will always need it, sometimes I wish to never be rich. but what I never want to lose is myself.

yeah I feel bad, can ya blame me?

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that's it, nothing more, nothing less, just in need of a little venting.

Now to finish this Fauxmostatious Two Page Spred. THAT'S RIGHT NYUKKAS. two page spred.

some ear candy

I broke my old headphones yesterday. I was pretty bummed and I'm kinda sad that I won't be able to listen to my music like that for a while. so I was looking for some replacements and am still looking, if anyone has a good suggestion for decent headphones at a good price let me know. I wish I had the cash to get these bad boys though:

check it

that's pretty much it, computer and desk speakers will do fine for now.

Updates on Life

So, I withdrew myself from school today due to financial problems. really sucks, but the more I dwell on it the less I get to use this time of reflection and possibility. 

Since I'm no longer in school, I am working full time at walgreen's. Then on the off time I am working assignments for my own good/ working on a new reel. I plan on putting together a good real to apply to the disney apprenticeship program. 

I'm also working on the comic collective project. some of you may already know, but for those that don't.  Go here and drool over the fruits of the Fauxmosapien Collective. 

Speaking of which, here is the recent addition I've made to the collective:

and then there are these two sketches of classmates.

Evan Tedlock

Liz Long

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I hope everything keeps going better than nothing. I know things will get back on track eventually. I'm a patient man.

gah

who knows.  mexico will be a nice break. 

been working al walgreen's. it's actually been fun. my boss is actually pretty cool. hopefully all sets well. but sometimes I feel like the world doesn't know when to stop taking itself so seriously. let numbers and statistics keeps the stress and lets keep our tangibility as the variable.

I wish the scanner at home worked. have a couple of things that need to be scanned.

I need to put up my part for the fauxmosapien project.

more on that later.

can't wait to see some people again.

I think I have failed at my attempt to grow a beard. 

guess it's time to throw in the towel and do some trimming. 

what do ya think?

I guess so

I think I'm just tired of people. I kinda want to just lay low. or something. but I think in general, I just feel like I don't really want to react to anyone's presence. I dunno, it's dumb, but I'll get out of this slump. 

dammit!

just when I thought I dodged the draft and made it to greater living, scott peters is no longer gonna be at KCAI and now I only hope that we don't have to learn from liz again.

this summer is starting off with all sorts of bad news.

dang, so lets reflect

lets get a little serious. 

so I got my end of semester review from my professor.

nothing I didn't already know was mentioned, but with that said it is obvious that need to think about things out loud, or at least as far as this blogger goes, which can be pretty far sometimes.

here's the deal, I am attending Kansas City Art Institute's School of Design to major in Animation. when I first applied here, I checked off Illustration first, then Animation second. With the removal of the Illustration program and the fact that I really wanted to be an animator. Now, I chose animation because I feel like illustration is something I can always maintain on the side, but when the tough gets going and push comes to shove, my haven from animation turns to the pleasure of focussing on one single image, creating stroke after stroke. when I am in my liberal arts classes, I doodle, I don't bust out some sheets of  papers and animate. Maybe it's just the flexibility of illustration that catches me; It doesn't demands of me more then I demand of it. Maybe it's because I'm new to animation. 

The other side is that I don't think in single images. Sometimes I wish on creating a film that shows visuals exactly how I think about them. When I think of a character I let if struggle in my mind for it's own meaning, imagining how it is gonna fumble around and move. I think that's where my drive to animate comes in. I want to create, and sometimes that part of me doesn't get satisfied till I see something move, something I experienced for the first time this school year. I didn't even want to say it at first but it felt like I was God giving life. That was a feeling that I know was worth all the frames.

So what is my problem? I don't know, I can't decide. Granted, there's a possibility in character design and development, but is that really it? I don't know, but sometimes it sounds right sometimes it doesn't. Maybe next year, when I feel like animations isn't such a foreign thing. or maybe I should just animate, and see how that goes. That's what logic tells me, but through my "Hiatus" I've been doodling and working on a drawing in photoshop. 

who knows. lets see this one out. for my own sake, I need to focus, and learn to channel what I want faster. because I know it's there, I feel like it is, I see that it is, but the connection from mind to paper is never really as ready as I want it to be.

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way to break the place in huh? this is just me, feel free to ignore. I just need to get this out of my system.

Hiatus Must

right now I'm taking a break. I need room to do some summer cleaning in the old noggin' so just hanging around. I'll post some stuff soon. 

working on a character. I think it's essential.

so this marks the beginning of this blog. lets take this idea for a run. I think that sounds like a good plan.