Tuesday, September 30, 2008

and it's caught up.

Being out of school is hard. I feel that no matter how hard I'm trying to keep myself grounded, I find myself in quicksand. sometimes I can't keep my chin up. sometimes I just let myself drown in the pools of self-pitty and self-doubt. I try to keep myself going, but knowing that for the most part of my teenage and young adult life was spent doing art because that's where my thoughts swam, and finding myself now trying to be the best at fuckin' walgreen's. where have I gone, or where am I going? Projects have kept me going, but with my fluctuating self-motivation, the lack school has left me dancing on top of fire.

yeah yeah, I shouldn't be a little bitch about it, but I can honestly say that I am not professionally mature to keep myself going in a way that best works with my schedule. Maybe I am, maybe I am just now feeling sorry for myself.

I don't want to be " that guy" that once had a direction. I want to make best of my situation, sometimes I just can't. that's all. because money will be money, and I will always need it, sometimes I wish to never be rich. but what I never want to lose is myself.

yeah I feel bad, can ya blame me?


that's it, nothing more, nothing less, just in need of a little venting.

Now to finish this Fauxmostatious Two Page Spred. THAT'S RIGHT NYUKKAS. two page spred.


Al Prudic-Dennis said...

yo dude i feel what your saying. I've had the same instability as a graduate! Most of this summer i spent looking for jobs. I work at a fuckin coffee house, witha degree! and when i wasn't looking for jobs, i was feeling bad about myself. drinking too much, smoking up a storm, just putting myself out there for a specific comforting response from someone or something. A response so specific that i don't think it exists and i learned that life might not ever be what you want it to be or expect it to be. the best thing you can do is what you love, and it becomes frustrating, it's not because you don't have the "professionalism" it's because this world has shaped you into thinking that every accomplishment (personal or professional) is only important if it involves making money.

remember dude, your a talented artist, and you'll always be one.

hope that helps. Sorry if i seemed in anyways inappropriate

OCL-R said...

naw man, felt good. how did you interview go?

jonathan.lane said...

it's advice you don't need to hear,
but keep your mind off depression and keep the art flowing.

i spent many years in a state where i should've been unhappy, but i stayed content because there was fascination everywhere and i knew i could have a hand in it.

Al Prudic-Dennis said...

it was what it was. Not really sure until some time between friday and tuesday of this upcoming week. i'll let you know when i get turned down.

jonathan.lane said...

so where's the pictures?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!!1111

Buster said...


wearz dem payjes?